I was bullied as a child.
Taunted with names as many are.
So I learned to bully back.
Learned the sweet thrill
Of pinching soft nipples too hard.
I grew with the power to wound.
Attractive to the weak and the teary.
I loved myself powerful and
It seemed I was loved in return,
But some people still spurned me.
Why those others interested me
More than those who liked me
I could not comprehend.
Perverse wanting what you’ve not got
Maybe, or perhaps in your heart you just know.
The self-assured did not like me
They could see how I always talked about me
How I never admitted to any flaw
How I could never let my hair down
And just naked be me.
The more these people walked away
The more I wanted only them.
The more I pursued them with my
Usual ploys of gifts and cajolery,
The more I saw them run.
Eventually I had to explore
That they knew more about me than I did.
Knew what I was up to, my tricks,
My techniques for making them my prisoner,
That they were too wise to be caught in my spider lies.
So I let it go and with it went
All the glorious swag my blag had bought me.
I had to learn to simply be nice
To be selective in my friends
To be only, easily hurt me.
Now when people try to bully me
I bare my teeth, but I understand
Why they choose this niche.
That the journey away is hard and long and often cold
But every fighting dog, one day gets old.