bully girl

I was bullied as a child.

Taunted with names as many are.

So I learned to bully back.

Learned the sweet thrill

Of pinching soft nipples too hard.

I grew with the power to wound.

Attractive to the weak and the teary.

I loved myself powerful and

It seemed I was loved in return,

But some people still spurned me.

Why those others interested me

More than those who liked me

I could not comprehend.

Perverse wanting what you’ve not got

Maybe, or perhaps in your heart you just know.

The self-assured did not like me

They could see how I always talked about me

How I never admitted to any flaw

How I could never let my hair down

And just naked be me.

The more these people walked away

The more I wanted only them.

The more I pursued them with my

Usual ploys of gifts and cajolery,

The more I saw them run.

Eventually I had to explore

That they knew more about me than I did.

Knew what I was up to, my tricks,

My techniques for making them my prisoner,

That they were too wise to be caught in my spider lies.

So I let it go and with it went

All the glorious swag my blag had bought me.

I had to learn to simply be nice

To be selective in my friends

To be only, easily hurt me.

Now when people try to bully me

I bare my teeth, but I understand

Why they choose this niche.

That the journey away is hard and long and often cold

But every fighting dog, one day gets old.